I’m still grieving so this is difficult to answer.

10 weeks

Medical (pill) abortion that I managed myself

I had my abortion or got my abortion pills from Planned Parenthood


When did you discover you were pregnant?

4 weeks


What was the very first thought in your mind when that pregnancy test was positive?

Unsure of what to do. Wanted it. Situation was bad, though.


Describe how you felt in the days after you realized you were pregnant.

I went back and forth trying to decide to keep it or not.


What factors did you consider when making a choice?

Financial stability, mental health, the father not being a good person, being a single mother


Did the person who got you pregnant support you during your abortion?

No


What is the nature of your relationship with the person who got you pregnant?

One-night stand


Did you experience morning sickness or nausea as a symptom of your pregnancy?

Yes, and it was debilitating and unmanageable



Who was the most supportive or helpful person or resource during your choice-making process?

The man I'm with now.


Who was the most supportive or helpful person in your life during and after your abortion?

Again, the man I'm with now


Describe your overall abortion experience using three words:

Painful, sad, relief


Please Describe your abortion experience.

I went to work as usual. I left around 3pm to go to my appointment. When i got there, they did a vaginal ultrasound to confirm gestational age. I cried and asked not to see or hear anything. I was taken to another room, where i went through a questionnaire with support staff. Due to covid, we did this from different rooms over the phone. That wasn't pleasant. They came in and tested my blood type, and gave me a nice "pep talk". We talked about how pro-lifers think these decisions are easy, but they aren't. The doctor came in and gave me the first pill, which I took in the office. She gave me the rest to take home and take 24 hours later.


Because of how far along i was, i had to take 2 doses of the second medication. I started bleeding and cramping about 5 hours after the first dose of the second medication. It came in waves, like contractions, and was the worst pain i ever felt. Right before passing the fetus and gestational sac, i was pooping, vomiting, and bleeding all at the same time. After i passed those, it became less painful. I bled for another 2 weeks.



What were your expectations of yourself and others?

I didn't expect much from anyone. I expected not to handle it well myself, but I've been doing alright.



In this section, describe your feelings at the time you had your abortion.

At the time i was in so much pain that i didn't really have any emotions regarding the termination. Just crying because of the pain.



What about after the abortion? Did your feelings change? What made you feel this way?

Immediately after, i felt relief. I know i made the right decision. In the days that followed, i became numb. I had to tell coworkers i had miscarried. I became numb to talking about it and didn't think about it much. Now, im no longer numb and am allowing myself to feel the grief. Often, the best decisions are not the easiest ones


What about the feelings of others? While you might not know exactly what they were feeling, can you explain what you think they might have been feeling?


The father did not know. He had threatened to kill me if i terminated, so i told him i miscarried. Several people close to me were told that. My dad knew. He was sad but understood, same for my sister. I understand why they felt this way. Between my sister and i, there is only one child, and it's hers. This was my first pregnancy so of course they were excited and then sad when i ended it. But they supported me



In what way did the choices you made meet your goals for yourself? Were the choices you made aligned with your goals?

I plan on getting my masters degree and becoming a physicians assistant through the army. I would have been a single mother, so keeping the child would have made this very difficult.



What other choices were available? Why do you think you did not choose them?

Like adoption? My mental health is a big reason why i terminated, i don't think i would have even made it through the pregnancy alive.



What do you feel now, looking back on the event? If your feelings have changed, how have they changed and why do you think that is?

My core feelings have not changed. I did what i had to do for myself and for the baby. How I'm handling it varies, because grief isn't linear.



What have you learned about yourself and others as a result of this experience and the way you feel about it?

I expected to not handle this well but I've done okay. Im surprised by how much relief i felt and still feel, and how I'm not just a puddle of depression and tears all the time.



What would your expectations be now?

Not sure



If you were able to go back in time, what would you do differently? What different choices would you make or different actions you would take?

I would not have slept with the father of the child.



In what ways has your abortion experience changed you?

I’m still grieving so this is difficult to answer



Have your goals changed as a result of your abortion experience?

No, but my abortion experience has reinforced my certainty that I am on the right path for me



What have you learned about your ability to make choices?

I can make very difficult choices if i have to


Will you make the same choices in the future?

No



I have a greater appreciation for the value of my own life.

I more clearly see who I can count on in times of trouble.

I have a greater sense of closeness with others.

I know that I can handle difficulties.

I am better able to accept the way things work out.

I have more compassion for others.

I put more effort into my relationships.

I discovered that I’m stronger than I thought I was.

I learned a great deal about how wonderful people are.

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It woke me up.

I feel grateful for my two unborn children, for not only waking me the FUCK up, but for allowing me to live my life

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