It woke me up.

6 Weeks Surgical (aspiration) abortion in the first trimester I had my abortion or got my abortion pills from Planned Parenthood


When did you discover you were pregnant? I suspected for a while but discovered for certain November 23rd, 2020, a day before my 25th birthday


Was the pregnancy planned? No



What was the very first thought in your mind when that pregnancy test was positive? "Oh my fucking god"



Describe how you felt in the days after you realized you were pregnant. It was horrible. I hated being in my body-- I could hardly stand it. I also hid it from everyone. It was like I had a HUGE secret I couldn't tell anybody.



What factors did you consider when making a choice? I always knew I would make this choice, my whole life the one thing I always knew for certain was that I never wanted to reproduce



Did the person who got you pregnant support you during your abortion? Yes



What is the nature of your relationship with the person who got you pregnant? Casual lover



Who was the most supportive or helpful person or resource during your choice-making process? I always knew myself what my choice would be-- No one helped me make the choice, it was all mine 100%



Who was the most supportive or helpful person in your life during and after your abortion? I was pretty alone honestly, because I cut ties with the person it happened with and my best friend lives out of state. Today I went out with another good friend and I was able to confide in her everything that happened, and her listening to me and giving me that space to just vent was really helpful beyond words.



Describe your overall abortion experience using three words: Changed my life



Please Describe your abortion experience. It was December 4th of last year. My appointment was at 12:30 at Planned Parenthood. The person who this happened with was my ride and he was running a little late-- I had told him I was going to drive myself but he ended up arriving 5 minutes late. He dropped me off at the clinic at 12:35. I waited outside as they asked the person in front of me the Covid screening questions and did the temperature check. Then it was my turn. I checked in and waited to be called back. I waited for about 2 hours before finally being called back. The nurse took my vitals, and then prepared me for my first ultrasound to see how far along I was, so they'd know just how much to dilate me. They asked me first if I wanted to see my ultrasound. I said no. They asked if I wanted a copy to, put it in an envelope to take home? I said yes. They asked if I wanted to know if there were multiples? I said sure, no way that'd be me. When she was nearly finished with my ultrasound, she told me I was 6 weeks and 1 day along, and that I was indeed carrying twins. She gave me a copy of my ultrasound(s!!!) and told me to get dressed. Then another woman came in to ask me the informed consent questions. She was super sweet, I'll always remember how comforted that woman made me feel. After that I waited in that room for about a half hour until they brought me to the procedure room. At this point, it was around 3:00. It was agony waiting in the procedure room for them to come in. Almost forty five minutes passed and no one came in to check on me, to give me medication, anything. I was about to lose it, but finally the nurse came in and gave me the medication. She explained each pill before putting it in a cup for me to take. Then she told me we had to wait 30 minutes for the medication to kick in before the procedure started. That wait wasn't so horrible because I knew I was on the home stretch. Finally three ladies came in around 4:25ish. The woman who did my procedure had bright pink hair, and she explained the process as she was doing it. She gave me a shot to numb my cervix, which she made it out to seem like it was going to hurt worse than it actually did. After that she inserted the speculum. She explained something about the suction tool and that the procedure will take like 3 minutes, but that she would do an ultrasound afterwards to make sure both were removed. One of the other women, ironically it was the woman who told me my test results the 2 weeks prior, sat next to me and told me I could squeeze her hand, which I definitely did. The actual procedure was the most unpleasant physical sensation I've ever experienced. It literally felt like someone stuck a vacuum inside of me. And I was cramping so badly. At one point I screamed out that I couldn't do it anymore but the woman told me she was almost done and I was doing great. Probably less that 20 seconds later she was done. She did the second ultrasound to make sure my uterus was empty, then she inserted an IUD. I was the last patient for the day. After that they told me to get dressed. They gave me goldfish and some ginger ale and I sat in the waiting room for 10 minutes before they told me my ride was here and it was safe for me to go. I left the clinic around 5:20pm that day. The person it happened with picked me up, I honestly don't even remember them asking me about it. He took me through Mcdonald's per my request, made sure I was home safely. I ate my food, put something on TV, then I drifted off to sleep until the next day.



What were your expectations of yourself and others? I had no expectations of others-- the only person who knew was the person this happened with and my best friend from out of state. No one knew. I honestly didn't expect much from the person this happened with, either. I knew I'd be dealing with it mostly myself. I didn't expect for me to feel so much in the days following. But, I also didn't expect for me to be so at peace with it, either.



In this section, describe your feelings at the time you had your abortion. I was really fucking anxious. I just wanted it to be over with. I couldn't wait for the day of the procedure, for me to leave the clinic not pregnant anymore, to have my body back.



What about after the abortion? Did your feelings change? What made you feel this way? I felt a lot, especially because I found out exactly how far I was, but most critically that I was carrying twins. That really fucking rocked me. I don't regret my decision-- I wouldn't have survived pregnancy, but it just made it so much more... heavy, that there were two, rather than one.



"What about the feelings of others? While you might not know exactly what they were feeling, can you explain what you think they might have been feeling? I do not care what the person this happened with thinks. He is not important to me, or to my life.



In what way did the choices you made meet your goals for yourself? Were the choices you made aligned with your goals? Choosing to have an abortion, to not reproduce does align with my goals for myself. I had JUST left a long relationship, I needed to work on myself and just got caught up in a fling. If I would have had them, they'd be tying me to some random, older dude for the rest of my life. Plus I'd have to figure out how to raise not one, but TWO babies, when I can't even take care of myself.



What other choices were available? Why do you think you did not choose them? Abortion was literally the only choice for me. That or killing myself (which really, wasn't a choice lol)



What do you feel now, looking back on the event? If your feelings have changed, how have they changed and why do you think that is? I feel stronger. I feel thankful it happened. I feel grateful for my two unborn children, for not only waking me the FUCK up, but for allowing me to live my life. Sometimes it really hurts, but ultimately, I am at peace with it.



What have you learned about yourself and others as a result of this experience and the way you feel about it? I learned that I am stronger than I think I am. I learned that it's okay to have things to not share everything in the entire world with your family. I've learned that I can handle a fucking lot-- I can handle anything!


What would your expectations be now? The same as before, honestly



If you were able to go back in time, what would you do differently? What different choices would you make or different actions you would take? Other than simply NOT getting involved with the person this happened with, I honestly wouldn't do anything different. I wouldn't change anything.



In what ways has your abortion experience changed you? Literally in almost every way possible. It woke me up. I realized I need to get my shit together. I'm inspired to be better, and to use this experience to help people. It's literally rocked my world, 100%



Have your goals changed as a result of your abortion experience? Yes, my abortion experience was a catalyst for new goals and a new outlook on life



What have you learned about your ability to make choices? That I can, everything is my choice, and I don't have to explain, validate, or even tell anyone if I don't want to.



Will you make the same choices in the future? YES



I changed my priorities about what is important in life.

I have a greater appreciation for the value of my own life.

I have developed new interests., I have a greater feeling of self-reliance.

I have a better understanding of my spiritual beliefs.

I more clearly see who I can count on in times of trouble.

I established a new path for my life., I have a greater sense of closeness with others.

I am more willing to express my emotions.

I know that I can handle difficulties.

I can do better things with my life.

I am better able to accept the way things work out.

I can better appreciate each day.

New opportunities are available to me which wouldn’t have been otherwise.

I have more compassion for others.

I put more effort into my relationships.

I am more likely to try to change things that need changing.

I have stronger faith in myself.

I discovered that I’m stronger than I thought I was.

I learned a great deal about how wonderful people are.

I better accept needing others.

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I can do anything.

I practically skipped out the door. I was overjoyed to no longer be pregnant and oh so relieved.

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